408,000 Apply For Stimulative Government Spending and Stimulative Government Cheese

Jobless claims are up 9,000 to 408,000 for the week ending on August 13. Luckily, those jobless benefits and the food stamps they, like record numbers of Americans, will end up on, are actually good for the economy. What's that you say? How can unemployment be good for the economy? Why silly child, haven't you heard? Luminaries (liberal English, English translation : idiots) such as Secretary of Agriculture Tom Vilsack says that benefits to the unemployed stir job growth.

Now, if we could just ensure that enough people are unemployed, we should be able to employ everyone...wait...